When did I begin the habit of filling time rather than living? Well maybe it’s not that bad, I’ve had a pretty full life but that’s the perspective I have now. How did these habits develop? I rarely watched TV. I read for pleasure on a day off, and forget the internet that wasn’t really happening then. I would go to work, come home and go to the gym. Have social engagements on other days and life progressed without much numbing except for an occasional bottle of wine. I believe it started when I became self employed and single. The only way I could delineate between work and rest was to leave my desk and turn on the TV—and it’s grown from there.
I’m discovering being still is hard, same as I’ve always known but now I’m forced and don’t choose to use another old habit, eating bad food…like Fritos and ice cream. None of that please!
Is this worth it? Absolutely. Is it hard? Absolutely. But I did something today I have not done in 30 years! I took a flute lesson. The memory was there and I felt I could almost pick up where I’d left off. The teacher was impressed. Of course she is impressed easily. The down side is it really hurt my left shoulder where I have bone spurs—boo hoo! She said injuries are common and I should not practice until my shoulder is better. It‘s always a problem, I had to give up yoga (downward dog) because of it but yesterday I did pushups in my palates class…yes call me stupid. So I will wait till the flare up is gone and see if I can actually practice.
Oh yes, I fixed the antique box or whatever you call it, and I put a battery in a wall clock that hasn’t worked in 4 years! See what can be achieved when you put your mind to it.
I’m actually looking forward now, to going to my couch, lighting a candle and meditating for 30 minutes. Can you believe it?